Hi! and welcome to my world of healthy eating and vibrant living. Join me as I document the process of shedding my City Diva persona and embrace the inner Nature Goddess that has been itching to come out for years. I apologize in advance if some of my posts seem completely random and out of the blue.
Hmmm, scratch that! I'm random and I'm proud!
I am constantly being told by numerous individuals (people that are close to me and others that hardly know my name) that I apologize too often. And you know what...they're right... I sometimes catch myself apologizing for things that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Like the time I apologized for my friend falling to the ground in front of my house and ruining her brand new boots. I didn’t push her, I didn’t startle her, I wasn’t watching her, in all honesty, I wasn’t even home yet when it all when down. But after she told me, I had this strong sense of guilt, so I apologized profusely and offered to pay for the boots she ruined. And for what? Because she missed a step on her way to the door, and I wasn’t there to do what? Give her a piggyback ride from the car to the house? I think I was suffering from a slight case of insanity.
I'm not claiming to have a degree in psychology, however, I think my "Sorrrrry!" (yes, that’s how I used to say it!) issue stems from the lack of self-esteem I developed as an awkward teenager. It may also be a reflection of being the youngest in a ginormous family, and having every action scrutinized and criticized by an elder. If you were to ask my university philosophy teacher, she’d probably say that I was a result of being an inferior Asian female in a dominating white man’s world (but I’m really not gonna go there). Whatever the case may be, I used to always believe that everything that went wrong in this world was my fault. Talk about dysfunctional: it’s both self-deprecating yet egotistical at the same time.
Throughout the years, I have slowly lost the attachment of blaming myself for everything, because really, it was getting old really fast. This took a lot of honest self reflection, and self-esteem boosting, which I will talk more about in the days to come, I’m sure. But for now, I feel like this blog entry is three times longer than it should be. The only reason I’m not deleting it all and starting all over is because 1) I don’t think I’m alone with the over-apologizing issue; 2) it was important part of my life to face this little demon in order to grow and expand both in the physical and spiritual realms; 3) to feel bad for the length of this blog entry would really set me back in my progress, wouldn’t it?
If you think you have same “Sorrrry!” dysfunction, or if you know anyone else that has it, or if you just want to say “what’s up!” please leave a comment…I think it’s an incredibly cool thing that we can all support each other in gaining self-empowerment, regardless of location and time zone. Even if you don’t want to leave a comment, thanks for reading! Catch you tomorrow!
Peace and love my peoples….
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